I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
