No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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