How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
