Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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