checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
