but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
