Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
