If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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