I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
