I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
