It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
