why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
