I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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