I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
