sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
