you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
