THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
