If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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