would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
