so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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