sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
