i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
