so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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