i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
