Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We had sex on a dog bed..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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