When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
