Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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