his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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