Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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