He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I pour the whiskey from now on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
