u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
