i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
