Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
