I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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