One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
