I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
