Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
