he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
