How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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