if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Are we still banned from the library?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
