when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
