He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
