If i come over, it means nothing
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
