fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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