It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Congratulations! We have a period
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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