Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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