I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your cock deserves a montage
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
