Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
