I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
