it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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