thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just google imaged poop.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
