We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
