Dual....:-)
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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