i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
