He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
