have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
