that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
